die a thousand deaths

verb2

1. •
   To die many times over (usually as preferred over some other undesirable action or occurrence).

   • Mor[timer] iu[nior]. Crie quittance Madam then, & loue not him. / Qu[een]. No, rather will I die a thousand deaths, / And yet I loue in vaine, heele nere loue me. — 1594
2. •
   To suffer repeatedly (often mentally rather than physically); to suffer extreme embarrassment or anxiety.

   • Died a thousand deaths / Man, I wore so much Ed Hardy, how could I forget? / That love kills slowly — 2019